I do not know what evil I have done in the past to merit this life I am living now. For starters, my scalp is already bleeding because of the itch and irritation caused by these stupid head lice that have decided to carve a niche out of my head. I do not know how I acquired these parasites neither can I point to any possible culprit of this plague that has befallen me. Then there goes my laptop that crashed just recently. I had to say adieu to ALL of my files including my finished and unfinished projects and compositions that had cost me sleepless nights and buckets of sweat, blood and tears just so to get produced. And yes, I am back to being a long-playing miserable student in a rather miserable city that I so loathe to live in.
[Just for the record, I am presently based in a miserable concrete jungle because I study in a not miserable university that has had the miserable fate of sustaining a large slash in budget as a consequence of that miserable state-abandonment-of-education policy of the string of miserable administrations that, at one point or another, run my not totally miserable country. Please do not get me wrong; I am thankful to the Almighty for causing me to be born a Filipino. And being a Filipino with a high sense of nationalism, I am not ashamed to proclaim to the world that my nation's capital city is Manila. Pero naman, there is a big difference between being proud of your nation's capital city and that of actually living there with all the stress and pressure that come with the package. If I were to make my choice without thinking of the long-term consequences, I would choose to stay in Ifugao to proverbially plant camote, play with my nephews and take care of the very micro-enterprise that a friend and I started just recently.]
You must be thinking of how pathetic and backward I am for favoring countryside living over urban life, right? I have to concede that you have a point there. To that of me being pathetic and backward, that is. I will tell you why. But first, let me tell you something about my present life.
Due to some twisted humor of fate, my once worst enemy has become my Filipino best friend. As a show of goodwill and to ease my longing for my countryside connection, she and her mom offered me last November to stay with her in one of their houses somewhere among the gated neighborhoods of Tandang Sora. To cut the story short, it was my friendship with this person that paved the way for me to live in an upscale neighborhood without the need to pay those exorbitant rents. Of course, I am aware and have submitted to the idea that with that privilege comes a set of standards that I have to adapt to and comply with. Pero goodness gracious naman, di ko akalain that my resolve and not-so-probinsyana disposition would be put to test immediately after I said I do to those rigid expectations and standards.
Ang Probinsyana, Bow!
Last November 20, one of my best friend's avid suitors visited her. Since she is an insomniac and since she would be taking the UP Law Aptitude Examination (LAE) the following morning, we decided to get drunk with (beep!) Beer just so she could sleep early. I was depressed that time and obviously I would not be paying for the drinks, kaya aba, sige naman sa walang hiyang katatagay etong maglulupang si Beverly. Libre, eh. Besides, we were home kaya okay lang. Ang siste, I did not anticipate that Mr. Suitor intended to do some fighting with my friend. I could have stayed and acted as a spectator to the live show but my sense of decency dictated me to leave and give them the privacy of the moment.
Despite the fact that I was almost drunk that time, Mr Suitor was very kind enough to lend me the key of his big bike so that I would not get bored outside. I was excited, of course, because that would be the first time for me to drive such a bike. Only that I could not get the engine started with the power button and electronic ignition. I tried to locate the kick start but I found none. For ten minutes, I refused to give up the search. Then I heard the sound of a whistle and the thuds of combat boots. I did not care. Because all I wanted was to start the engine and ride that beast. Then I heard it, that abrasive yell of the security guard who was rushing to my direction. He was about to handcuff me when the thought hit me and I had to explain immediately that I was not hot-wiring the bike sabay pakita ng susi. The guard understood naman and apologized for the mistake. I got infuriated, of course. I may have the charms of a gargoyle, pero sino ba naman ang hindi maaasar kapag napagkamalan kang carnapper, di ba? Don't worry, I did not lash out at him because I understood naman that he was just doing his job. I simply nodded and sat by the sidewalk na lang since I could not start the bike anyway.
It took me about fifteen minutes to pacify myself. All the while, I was there talking over the phone with my sister while sitting beside the bike that was parked across the street. Tapos bigla ako nakaramdam ng matinding pagkawiwi. I ran to the house so as to relieve myself only to find out that I locked the door pala without taking my key when I went out. I wanted to knock and ask my friend to open the door but I was ashamed to disturb my friend and Mr Suitor whom I presumed must in the middle of a very hot fight by then. I could have relieved myself in the lawn or backyard but our grumpy and napakataray neighbors were outside literally counting their money. Aside from the fact that the lawn and backyard were brightly lit and kitang-kita kung may tao doon o wala, I embraced, too, the principle of not shitting on my own backyard for whatever merit or practicality there is to it. I decided to cast away my pride and ask my neighbor to make me use her toilet but the thought of being turned down and very probable pa na makatanggap ako ng pagtataray caused my feet to refuse to walk. Sabay napatingin ako dun sa motorsiklo and realized that the street was empty and not brightly lit I could relieve myself there. Pero Diyos mio naman, the guard house is just 50 meters away from that spot at may mangilan-ilang cars pa namang pumapasok sa subdivision. Moreover at kahit pa sabihin natin na super nawiwiwi na ako, I find it as very distasteful and disrespectful na hindi nga ako magwiwiwi sa backyard ko pero magwiwiwi naman ako sa frontyard ng iba. Then there was the option of me na pasimpleng tatayo sa isang corner in the backyard and pee on my pants. The thing is, I would die of humiliation when my friend and Mr Suitor would see me all peed up because I have to pass in front of them to go get a change of pants upstairs. Grabeng lakas mangantiyaw lang naman ng kaibigan ko at nataon namang madali rin akong mapikon na tao. Pero shiiitttt, grabeng nawiwiwi na ako that I was having goosebumps that time na talaga.
Please do not ask me of what I chose among the above-stated options. Suffice it to say that my conscience haunted me even in my sleep that fateful night. Bad dreams. Bad dreams. Ahaay...
As a Whole
I have just come out from a two-week depression. I was so down way back then I thought I was living in the deepest and darkest recesses of my life. I felt like giving in to all the blows I had sustained in such a very short period of time. Many times I caught myself glancing at my empty coffee mug while giving out a sigh of resignation. However I am a stubborn person hence I have refused to give up my fight.
Now that I am back to my normal mood and disposition, the adage of a silver lining on the darkest clouds has been more meaningful to me. I may have acquired these stupid parasites that now dwell on my head but at least I have a small amount in my pocket naman to buy that medicine to totally annihilate them and the itch and irritation that they make me suffer. I may have lost all of my files but at least I have this brain and the hands given to me by the Almighty to redo my projects and compositions. Yes, I have lost all the videos and photos but the memories will linger and my friends and family will always be there for me naman. I may be back as a student in this city that causes me so much stress [and strain] but at least I am given the chance and big favor (by God, by my family and by the Filipino taxpayers) to finish my [mis]adventures in the academic stage of my life's humble play. Though I have been mistaken for a carnapper and even though the call of nature has made a clown out of me, having my Filipino best friend beside me and having a good shelter to live in are big reasons for me to be grateful to the Providence. I may be having big problems in other areas of my life but at least I am breathing and I can still make amends... with God, with the people I love, with myself.
“The real tragedy in life is not death itself but the absence of a purpose in living.” I do not know where I have read it, but I can attest to the validity and logic of this nugget of wisdom. Life is still sweet. Yeah, life is sweet.
Post Script
There was no fighting naman pala that took place between my friend and Mr Suitor. If only I was not that very considerate, ahaay...
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